2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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