party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
