I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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