Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
