There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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