I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
