I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
