Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
