Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
