How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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