I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love having hate sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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