I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
