woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
