Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
