Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
