i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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