Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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