So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
