Every concussion has its silver lining
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
