I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
