I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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