Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
