That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
