i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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