Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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