She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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