I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
