Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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