Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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