so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
