i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dear god my vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize