There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
