I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
