U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
