I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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