Someone shit on the floor
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize