I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
