Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize