his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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