i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
