what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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