Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
vagina is talking i cant
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
