are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
