WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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