ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
