I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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