Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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