I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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