My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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