only you would photoshop your dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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