I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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