you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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