It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
