Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
