she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
