my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
