I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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