So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
