I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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