Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
