So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
