Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
