brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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