So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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