The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
