my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
