Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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