I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
