i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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