he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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