Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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