Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize