My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
