why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
